Extracorporeal shock wave lithotripsy

Try saying that three times fast.

So this is the name of the procedure I had yesterday.   Let me tell you, if any of you need a good urologist, I highly recommend Dr. Newman, out of Spring Valley Hospital.  He’s a little dry, when it comes to wit, but I tell you want…he is super nice, straightforward, and has funny moments.  (He asked yesterday before the procedure how tall I am.  When I told him 5’8″, he said “Ok good.  The stents come in different sizes, so we’ll find one that fits you.”  😉

Here’s the story:

Thursday night was EPIC.  So much fun.  I did a couple new songs at karaoke, and feel pretty good about them.  I had to stop eating or drinking ANYTHING at midnight.  Yesterday I got up at about 8:30, and took a shower, ran uptown to rent a few movies, and then came home, did some dishes, and waited for my seester Sara to come get me.

Sara was here with plenty of time, so I gave her the quick and dirty tour of the house, since she hadn’t been here yet. Then we left, I checked in, and we waited.

I’m really glad Sara took me yesterday.  She and I got to sit and chat, and we had a lovely talk…until she starting singing “Phinneas and Ferb” to me.  Then I decided I had to kill her.  LOL.

So when they finally took me back, they were a little behind on schedule…which wan’t a huge deal.  My nurse, Diane, was amazing…from South Bend Indiana!  Like Sara said yesterday, you can always tell mid-westerners…they’re always so nice. 🙂

She had a hard time finding my vein in my hand, so she got me two heated blankets and wrapped my hands in them.  Meanwhile, she had been great and gotten me a couple heated blankets for me, because I was FREEZING! 🙂

Diana had another nurse, Shannon, come in and put the IV in.  It hurt like a motherfucker, but she got it on the first try, therefore earning HUGE props from me.

Then my anesthesiologist came in and “mixed a coctail” for me, that made me feel very drunk, and pretty happy.  They got me into the room, moved me onto the FREEZING water table thing, and then the  anesthesiologist let me put the anesthetic in my IV by myself. 🙂  I thought that was cool.  He put the syringe there, and let me push it in.  I was out before I knew it.

When I woke up in recovery, I was crying because I was very disoriented, and it more pain than I went in with, but my new nurse, Sharon, gave me some wonderful painkillers, and the pain went from a 7 to a 4 in about 3 minutes.

Sara took me home, and then Morgan made me dinner: mac and cheese.  gotta love the comfort food.  It tasted SO good!

Morgan, Pat, Alex and I chilled in the living room and watched “The Box” with Cameron Diaz.  What I saw was really great…but I kept fading in and out of conciousness…left over anesthetic, and the oxycodone that I’m on…so I went up to bed.

Morgan woke me up when it was time for my medicine…and I must have gotten up to pee about 6 times.

So that was yesterday.  Dr. Newman said to my sister that the stent will stay in for about a month, and then they have to do another procedure, because my ureter is too narrow, which may actually be what is causing the stones.  (its too narrow, so its causing a build up of urine in my kidney.  Too much information, I know.)  So, what they’re going to do, is go in with a telescope through my bladder, like they did to put the stent in, and use a laser to make my ureter bigger.  That has I think about a 75% success rate.  If that doesn’t do it, only then will they cut into me to fix it.  But that’s a way’s off.

So..yes.  I’m feeling pretty sore right now…my right side is all swollen, and it hurts to pee…I’m probably going to passing the stones soon…which means that I have to strain my pee…which is proving to be harder than I though.  But, its fine.

I’m watching “Nine” right now, at my friend Leslie’s suggestion.  Everyone else is still sleeping  I will probably fall asleep again too…I expect to sleep off an on throughout the day.

Anyway, I wanted to update everyone, and say thank you SO MUCH for all of the love, support, and well wishes you all have shown me.  I am blessed to have the greatest friends and family a girl could ever want.

the quest for balance continues…

in my ever growing effort to find and achieve  balance in my life, i have recently been to have a ct scan of my brain and my abdomen, in an effort to become more healthy and take better care of myself.

i’ve suffered really awful migraines for the better part of the last 3 years…they don’t really happen often, but when they do, they knock me out for days.

i also have a history of kidney stones, and have within the last year, started to experience sharp, stabbing pains in the lower right side during sex.  again, its not constant, but its happening more and more frequently, and starting to cause me concern.
today i had my follow up with my primary care doctor, who is amazing, and she is sending me to a urologist to go over my results and follow up…apparently, i have a 4 millimeter kidney stone (anything 4mm and above usually don’t pass on their own) and some kind of mass or blockage that is 13 mm. (i don’t remember if doc said if it was a kidney stone or not.)  that’s huge.

i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t a little bit concerned…i’m trying to remain calm and not worry or stress out, because I’m going to get some answers tonight when i go see this specialist…so, i’m chilling for a couple hours watching “the crazies.”
btw, as far as my brain goes, with the migraines, they didn’t find anything…so i’m sure its like morgan has said and its stress related.  i’m going to start trying to meditate nightly, and find other ways of dealing with stress.  we may do some more follow up tests to confirm that there’s nothing else going on in side my head…i have to say that the report is b.s. because they said my brain is “unremarkable”…i’ve always thought i have a quite remarkable brain.   😉

i will always be waiting

tonight, i feel…

i have a few overwhelming emotions taking control of me…i am fighting in desperation to overcome.

the first is disappointment.  in myself, really for actually believing that things would happen tonight…when there is a pattern of inconsideration with this person.

the second is anger.  am i not worth anyone’s time?  really…

the third is regret.  i wish i would have gone to the Hot Springs instead of staying home, stupidly thinking that these plans would happen.
the fourth is sadness.  but not for him.  for someone else.

someone whom i am harboring feelings for, and trying to release…yet i have lyrics from “HIM” in my head:

“Your love is the only thing I live for in this world
Oh how I wait for the day your heart burns
In these heavenly flames I’ve already scorched in
I just want you to know I’ll always be waiting”

The ball of knives

There is a sharp, intense throbbing pain in my heart.  A pain that never ceases, although at times my spirit seems numb to it.

I look inside my heart and see an iron ball of knives has lodged itself deep within.

I focus on the pain, I magnify it, looking for a way to end the suffering of my heart.

The knives have tiny barbs along the edges…they dig in, and tear the flesh when they are moved.  The knives are old and rusted.  They’ve been lodged here ever since I can remember, growing and causing pain…

I look at myself with this ball of knives lodged deep within the chambers of my heart, and I can see the pain…I see the never-ending tears, the anguish, the vulnerablility…

Now I visualize myself without this seemingly endless pain…

I see a radiant woman who smiles all the time.  She is dancing with joy and passion.  I see she is confident and strong.

I look into her heart…perhaps she has learned to live with the pain…but there is nothing inside her heart but love and thankfulness.  Her heart is scarred, but whole.  Whole and healed.

I reach my hand out to her.  She smiles at me.  She says “Its ok.”  She holds me.

I know this woman, although its been a very long time since I’ve seen her.  But she gives me hope…and she gives me assurance that I can be rid of this pain, ever-present, within my heart.