The ball of knives

There is a sharp, intense throbbing pain in my heart.  A pain that never ceases, although at times my spirit seems numb to it.

I look inside my heart and see an iron ball of knives has lodged itself deep within.

I focus on the pain, I magnify it, looking for a way to end the suffering of my heart.

The knives have tiny barbs along the edges…they dig in, and tear the flesh when they are moved.  The knives are old and rusted.  They’ve been lodged here ever since I can remember, growing and causing pain…

I look at myself with this ball of knives lodged deep within the chambers of my heart, and I can see the pain…I see the never-ending tears, the anguish, the vulnerablility…

Now I visualize myself without this seemingly endless pain…

I see a radiant woman who smiles all the time.  She is dancing with joy and passion.  I see she is confident and strong.

I look into her heart…perhaps she has learned to live with the pain…but there is nothing inside her heart but love and thankfulness.  Her heart is scarred, but whole.  Whole and healed.

I reach my hand out to her.  She smiles at me.  She says “Its ok.”  She holds me.

I know this woman, although its been a very long time since I’ve seen her.  But she gives me hope…and she gives me assurance that I can be rid of this pain, ever-present, within my heart.


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