21 Days of Thankfulness…in one blog.

I know, I know, I’m jumping on the “Thankful/Thanksgiving” bandwagon late.  So sue me.  😉 
The truth of the matter is, that I’ve been in a pretty deep depression for a few months now…I’ve had wonderful moments of happiness, and crazy giddyness…especially this weekend…but sadly my mood has been bad. 

So…while I listen to VNV Nation and wait for my pizza to arrive, I figured I’d bust out a quick list of 21 things I’m thankful for…big and little, in no particular order.  (except maybe the last couple.)

1.  I’m thankful to have a job.  It may be one I’m miserable at, but…at least I have a job to go to that pays the bills…I’m grateful to be employed. 

2.  I’m thankful to have an apartment.  And in 2 weeks, it will be a bigger more spacious apartment.  And its all mine.  🙂

3.  I’m thankful for Karate Karaoke.  It may sound cheesy, but I am.  Karate Karaoke has helped me not only get over my fear of singing in front of people, but has helped me to squash it, and stomp on its stupid face for holding me back from so much fun for so long.  Its also introduced me to some of the greatest people on the planet. 

4. I’m thankful for my family.  They always provide unlimited support whenever I need it. 

5.  I’m thankful for Deathing. 🙂 

6.  I’m thankful that I’ve pretty much gotten over my dislike for pork…because I loves me some bacon!

7.  I’m thankful for curry.  (you all HAD to see that one coming.)

8.  I’m thankful for my “old” friends…the ones I’ve had for a year or more…whether I see you often or not.  You provide love, comfort, help and support to me when I need it the most.  You don’t judge.  I love you all.  I would name names but there are too many of you that I love to death.

9.  I’m thankful for my new friends…the ones that have been in my life for a year or less…I’m learning things about myself from you all…you’re bringing variety into my life, and don’t judge, when many of you have a right to… and I love you all.

10.  I’m thankful for my teachers and mentors in dance.  Its not a huge part of my life currently, but it will be again soon…and without you and your knowledge, dance wouldn’t be a part of my life at all.  Its changed me into a better person, and I love you all for it.

11.  I’m thankful for SURPRISE TRUST FALL!  (and Surprise Boob Grab)

12.  I’m thankful for Pho.

13.  I’m thankful for music in general…for providing an outlet when I need one…for being able to articulate what I cannot.

14.  I’m thankful for picking up new fun habits like knitting, because it helps me to curb my stress levels.

15.  I’m thankful for sleep…when I get it. 😉

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ok, this is where I’m going to get a little personal and name some names…I hope you all don’t mind…but I have to speak what I’m feeling right now…and its not that i love these people any more than i love any of you, but I’ve had recent encounters with these people that I’m feeling exceptionally thankful about…so…there…

 

16.  I’m thankful for Cherish.  You have been an amazing friend to me…you listen, you console, you provide comfort and words of wisdom…you’re an angel for letting us borrow your car all the time, and for hosting awesome fun parties…for inviting our craziness into your home and life.  I am honored to call you friend. 

17.  I’m thankful for Nina and Sara, my spooky muffin and cupcake.  You girls give it to me straight…you don’t sugarcoat anything…you get me out when I need it, you support me when I need it, you tell me when I’m being stupid…you love me no matter what…and I love you guys. 

18.  I’m thankful for Leslie.  You are my sister from another mister.  😉  I love you SO much…thank you for always being my sounding board…for talking sense into me, and for helping me to look at the good when all I want to see is the bad.

19.  I’m thankful for my new friend Kim.  Like you said Saturday night, I’m SO glad that we are actually friends.  Thank you for giving me a chance…for being so fucking sweet…and for being my minion. 😉 lol “ITS SO FLUFFY!”

20.  I’m thankful for my best friend Morgan.  Because of your guidance, I’m living on my own…which is something I was afraid I’d never do.  You help me on a daily basis to face my fears, my shortcomings, and inspire me to be a better, and more selfless human being.  🙂  You’ve helped me to uncover things about myself that I may have never known…Thank you for always listening to me, even when I’m a fucking lunatic. 😉  I love your face. 

21.  finally, for right now…

I’m thankful to be alive.  Over the last year, I’ve encountered a lot of crap, and had health problems for the first time in my life…There were days that I was afraid that I’d been handed a death sentence…days that it truly felt as though I would die…pain so bad I could barely stand it…pain that landed me in the hospital for days on end…

I’m coping with all of that now…and though I may still be blue, I do know in my head and heart that things could always be SO much worse…I’m blessed and truly grateful to be alive, and to have such a rich amazing life. 

 

In closing, I would like to leave you with some song lyrics from a group that I am SUPER thankful to have seen this weekend, VNV Nation:

Resolution:

“No pride to feel, no waiting country
No parades to line your way
Though your hands may bleed, and your body may lie broken
Every storm must soon give away

Raise your head up high
Raise your head up high
So the heavens hear you cry
Light the brightest fire
From the highest mountain
So the whole world knows
That your spirit can’t be broken

The rage you feel will consume you and destroy you
Let this rage inside you die
One day, you’ll find the signs in every motion
Close your eyes so you might see
I will hold you still, every second of every hour
Let your actions speak your will

Raise your head up high
Raise your head up high
So the heavens hear you cry
Light the brightest fire
From the highest mountain
So the whole world knows
That your spirit can’t be broken

Give up your fear
These senseless longings
Let this pain inside you die

Raise your head up high
Raise your head up high
So the heavens hear you cry
Light the brightest fire
From the highest mountain
So the whole world knows
That your spirit can’t be broken”

 

And finally….

Gratitude

“It is not love, if love is cold to touch.
It is not belief, when there’s nothing there to trust.
Could not submit, would never bring myself to heel.
Determination grows, as each truth is revealed.

Torn and repaired, just to endure it all again.
Without a reason, for my place in all this pain.
Though well concealed, the scars they just compound.
Until there´s nothing left of what was my former self.

My god, look at what we are now –
without regret for all the things that we have done.

Thank you for all the doubts, and for all the questioning,
for all the loneliness and for all the suffering.
For all the emptiness, and the scars it left inside.
it inspired in me, an impetus to fight.
For the conviction, for the purpose found along.
For the strength and courage, that in me I’ve never known.
And if it seems to you, that my words are undeserved,
I write this in gratitude for whatever good it serves.

Sometimes I wish, that you could see me now.
In the rightful place, where I knew that I belonged.
Sometimes I wish, that you might someday understand.
to close the chapter, and lay to rest the past.
But nothing would change, we make the best of what we have.
for we are measured by the actions of our lives.
we bide our time, let the future unfold.
Like immortals, in great legends to be told.

My god, look at what we are now –
without regret for all the things that we have done.

Thank you for all the doubts, and for all the questioning,
for all the loneliness and for all the suffering.
For all the emptiness, and the scars it left inside.
it inspired in me, an impetus to fight.

To all who stood with me, when we stood as one.
Thank you for guiding me, for bringing me home.
And if it seems that I’m obliged to say these words,
I write this in gratitude, the least that you deserve.”

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