All by myself…stranger danger, and shiny happy people holding hands…

Well, as of today, all of my stuff (minus cleaning supplies) has been moved into my new apartment.  I am currently sitting in my second bedroom, in my makeshift office, with my computer, printer, and other things set up on a long folding table.  Yes, it may be ghetto, but that’s how I roll, bitches.

I’ve been spending a lot of time alone over the last few weeks…mostly by choice, partially because of not having my own mode of transportation, and the last 2 days, because my kidney has been bothering me.  Being alone is something I used to dread.  I hated being alone with my thoughts…sometimes I still do…but tonight…tonight it feels right.

Tonight, even though I’m by myself, I’m surrounded by people who care for me, in my heart.  Even people I don’t really know very well…these people have been exceptionally giving, and caring…I had help today moving the rest of my kitchen stuff and walking to the grocery store from someone who has hung out with me a total now of 4 times…including today and last week, when he helped me move too.  Awesome.  We had a really lovely time together!  AND…we got a ride from the corner of Mt. Vista and Russell to my apartment from a very kind old woman who had time to kill before she went to work. 

The last week or so, I’ve been having AWESOME conversations with a new friend from San Diego, who is fucking awesome.  And to think, that had I been my shy, timid self that I used to be, we would never have met, because I wouldn’t have responded to her compliment on my skirt at the VNV nation concert.  Growth and change is good.  It enables us to overcome our shortcomings, and become better people, and therefore, meet awesome amazing people as well.  This makes me feel very glad…

Tonight, after Jeff left, I had something small to eat and watched 2 movies…and then started organizing my place.  A lot of it was done already, but there is still a lot to do…

My kitchen is set up, for the most part…I have a few dishes that I want to wash before finding a home for them, but the dishwasher just shut off. 

My office is coming together quite nicely.  Next, since I’m in here, I’m going to put my books away, and then work on my cds. 

I’m saving those for last, because there are LOTS of them that I don’t listen to anymore, and don’t anticipate listening to again, that I want to set aside to give away.  (Namely, cds from my turbo Christian days…thankfully those have passed.)

I have food…some healthy, some not, in my fridge, freezer, cabinets and pantry area.  I have my ancestor shrine set up in my bedroom, where I can see photos of my family who have passed on…I need a picture of Uncle Sherwin now…

It makes me feel good to be mindful of these things.  While my family and I may not always agree, and while I may do things just to get a rise out of them (like wearing tank tops when I haven’t shaved my armpits in 9 months)…they are my family.  They love me, they support me, and they are always there for me. 

The thing is…minus my kidney bothering me the last few days, I’m really starting to feel content. 

Sure, I’m still unhappy about certain circumstances and situations in my life. 

Sure, I had a hell of a day on Tuesday, and am still concerned about a friend that I can’t contact just yet…

Sure, I’m still sad because my dad’s best friend of 50+ years just passed away…but as far as this goes, Morgan put it into perspective for me the best.  While I can still be sad that he’s gone, he is no longer in any pain.  He lived a great and full life…rather than mourning his loss, I’d rather celebrate his life. 

And as far as the rest goes…I’m sure that my friend will talk to me when he’s ready, when things cool off a bit. 

The other situation…who the hell knows…and yes, I’m being cryptic on purpose. 

I’m so sick and tired of being miserable all the time though, I want to start taking more alone time for myself. 

I’m going to start working out again on Monday.  I’m going to start meditating again. 

Healthy body will help me to have a healthy mind too. 

I’m excited for this new chapter in my life…I’m excited to see where my life takes me…who comes into my life, and what they have to teach me about myself. 

On that note…I have unpacking to do…

Good night all. 

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