Open the skies, and burn it all away…

Life is good.

Even in the midst of loss, confusion, sadness, pain, death and disappointed hopes…life remains good.

I wanted to write this as a follow up to my last blog, just to ensure that you all know that I really am ok.

My balance continues. 
I had a rough day on Thursday, but rather than trying to stifle the feelings, or rather than dwelling on the negativity…I allowed myself to feel what I felt…to write some things down that had been bothering me and send them to a friend, and to get a good night’s rest.

When I woke up the next morning, I felt so much better!

THIS is what balance is.  It is feeling what you feel, and releasing it. 

Its having a WONDERFUL day shopping with a friend, and catching up, and having fun…and then going home and missing someone else so much it is painful…and you cry for about 10 minutes…and are over it.  You don’t dwell on why you miss them.  You don’t dwell on when you will see them or talk to them.  You feel it.  You call a trusted friend and tell them how you feel.  You realize that things are ok, and you move on.

After that 10 minutes last night, I had a good night in with my roommate and his son.  We watched Hell’s Kitchen and Eddie Izzard. 

Today, I woke up late, and was feeling disappointed that I didn’t get to go to the free yoga class my friend was teaching.  But instead of being upset all day, I decided to bring my happy ass up to this AWESOME little coffee shop and write. 

I’ve written more in a story I started back in December, I’m working on a fan project for VNV Nation (Yeah, I know, I’m obsessed.  Shush.) and I’ve got more ideas for my novel. 

Balance isn’t about dismissing the negative.  Its about feeling everything that you feel, but not clinging to it. 

I look at the news feed on my facebook, and I see posts from several of my friends that express depression, sadness, discontent…and I just want to scream: You can change this!  I know that this is how my posts used to be.  I’m sure there are days that people look at mine, even now, and think “Oh my goodness shut UP already!” Like the posts about the douchebag at the DMV yesterday.  Not my finest hour. 

But when every post that I read from a friend is how sad they are, and how alone they feel…I don’t want to read that.  I want to go to her house, shake her and say “There is so much happiness to be found, even in the midst of what you may be going through!” 

If you read my last blog, you know that I’m going through a lot of difficult things, for me.  They may not be difficult for everyone else, but they are for me, and I’m the one going through them. 

Not too much has changed other than my own mindset…I’m not going to allow these things to make me sad anymore.  I do not even let the though of harming myself enter my mind anymore. 

I have to look at all of the amazing things that have happened recently, and all of the great things I have coming up…I’m spending almost a whole week with my best girl friend on the planet starting on Tuesday afternoon/evening in San Diego.  Another lovely friend is coming in to visit next month.  I had a chance to have some quality time with my bestie recently.  I have the best roommate on the planet.  I have amazing friends.  I even found a bathing suit that flatters me!

Life is so good. 
“Shine, shine your light on me, illuminate me.  Make me complete.”  ~VNV Nation.

i feel close to complete myself these days.  I’m getting stronger and better and closer every day…

thank you for listening…


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